reinventing your view of reality

Just The Usual Stuff Again!

2005-01-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

I feel this year is going to suck!(hope it won't!) So many shit have happened only at the year's start...as of January 27,2005

Shit no. 1- The Girl Who Said No The Discrete Way
Shit no. 2- The Chronic Case of Picking The Shitty P.E. Instructor
Shit no. 3- The "I Have No Dough" cliche

Well some people may say that these shit are not too much but these problems affect the aspects of my life that I give much importance-love,school, and Family

I can't believe it, but I think that I am in love again. And what perfect timing to realize this but on the day that she tells you that the idea of the two of you is impossible in the most discrete way-a text quote. It sucks too read a quote like this- Up to wer can u prove ur love for sum1?! wat wil u do if ur luvone asks u "do you really love me?" nd tells u.. "if yes,can u set me free?". Now that's a bummer. It's really fucking hard too fall for a girl who is friends with "A-list" people, shows up on a music video, and is the vice-president of your major's org. I'll just say that my resume isn't that nice to look at. What the hell can I offer her even if I did try to court her?! The only thing I can give her is (pardon this cliche) love. Hell! Everyone can give that! My dog can give that! What the fuck can I offer a girl who has almost everything? She has a nice life&nice friends, where the hell would I fit in?

To start this part I want to say, Putang ina mo Salamat! Mamatay ka nang putangina ka! Sana bagsakan ka ng mga higanteng pingpong ball at pagkadulas mo tumama ang katawan mo sa matulis na parte ng isang raketa para mamatay ka nang hayup ka! Tubuan ka sana ng bukol sa puke mo! Now that's a relief!hahahahaha! That's all I can say about that pubic lice infested bitch.

If our lack of material wealth only affects me it would just be fine but I hate too see that this affects all of us. I hope that I get a job immediately to help my family from this mess. I don't want my sister to experience going to her college with talking shoes while wearing a dress with different hues of white.

Through all of these, I am really thankful for the people that makes me happy. I need not to mention who they are but I promise to stand by all of you at your times of want. To end this shitty rant, I shall end by quoting former president Ferdinand Marcos for this line reiterates the lessons I have learned from the all these shits I am going through---"...the important thing is for man to develop what is within him, to better himself, and to measure himself by an ideal of the good life..."---perhaps, these are the goals of life why it has to be so damned shitty. We have to set our standards first of what a good life really feels, but you will only know what is good when you are at the bottom and once you have known what is good then you strive to reach your ideal of the good life or the "embetterment" of your self. I guess that is how it really works, so I need to shut up and stop my rantings and carry on with the process of "embetterment". What is the sense of going against a current that will bring you to land?

Here I Go Again Writing the Stupid Stuff!

2004-11-22T23:26:00.000-08:00

It's better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all, whoever fucker that wrote this is DEAD wrong!...if it is fucking better to have loved and lost then why the fuck am I feeling so afraid to love again?(to those who know me personally I really mean love not sex)...you see my dear comrades, I am now again in a situation where my body and soul is pushing itself to another entity but my mind is saying,"Fuck! not again! have you gone nuts?! have you forgotten how much pain you have gone through just because of loving a woman?"(yes elaine,it's pathetic haha!)...so because of the unfortunate event that happened eons ago(april 2 2002 to be quite exact haha!) I have on countless times, let the girl get away because I was afraid that she might hurt me...sounds like im a sissy gurl right?well I don't give a damn!hahaha!...but seriously, have you ever thought that past heartaches will haunt you when the time comes that the whirlwind fuck called love comes to your door again?,have you thought that this little episode in your so called "love life" can destroy your possibly happy future?...and if that is so, then why the bloody fuck does someone want to have "loved and lost"?

I really can't believe that I am starting to like someone again, I thought I have perfected the way of oozing out love in my alcoholic veins...she is bloody cute for god's sake!how can I resist that!but I hate it that I like her...because I know that this means that I will eventually slit my own throat again and surely be depressed again when this is over...I look at envy at the days when a man would just have to chop wood,fetch water, and pay hard stolen money in order to have the girl of his dreams as his partner...Nowadays, money and hardwork is not enough...being perfect is now the fad...if only being perfect can be bought!hahaha!...but seriously It was really much simpler to fall in love then...if she rejects you no problem, radio and television were not there to remind you how much you love her...I really can't believe that I am typing all these gibberish right now hahaha!

I guess all these gibberish mirrors how much shit I am in again now because of love...I am drinking so much alcohol again that if my blood type was taken it will come out as SMB Positive, I am smoking so much again that my nose is bleeding again...i don't know what to think anymore...I guess some people were not meant to have someone...I think I am one of them...If all people were meant to have someone then those who have someone wouldn't appreciate that they do have someone,love wouldn't be as sweet...

the result of my futile fight and message to all my comrades,fallen and standing

2004-11-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

ENG 102 EFFECTIVE EXPOSITORY WRITING 3.0
HST 102 HISTORY OF CIVILIZATION II 2.5
MATH 102B MATHEMATICS OF FINANCE 3.0
NS 101 PHYSICAL SCIENCE 2.5
NSTP LTS 1 NSTP LITERACY TRAINING SERVICE I 2.75
PE HANDBALL FA
PHL 3A RATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY 2.5
PHL 5 CHRISTIAN ETHICS 1.25
POL 241 COMPARATIVE POLITICS IN TRANSITION 2.5
POL 264 RIZAL & FILIPINO NATIONALIST THOUGHT 2.25

hmmm...judging from this i think i had too much fun this semester hahaha!...these would have been alright except for that asshole professor in p.e.!(tangina mo roderick paulate!mamatay ka na!hahahaha!)

to my fallen comrades, junart and antony, i pay my respects....let us give them a moment of silence...you two have given me memories that i would treasure(namely: junart-the singing sessions asteeegg!!! antony-the teo balls that hit your head because of moi!sori ulet!haha!)

and so tomorrow another semester of books,sex, and alcohol shall begin....another pantheon of enemies we will fight...possibly a new group of friends shall emerge....but still in my heart, the names of my fallen comrades shall live on...and to my comrades that are still standing--may comrade lenin's will and example guide you, goodluck and may we survive another purge of our dying race--long live ust political science majors batch 2007!!!!

doing "it" and asking "why"

2004-10-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day it is!...we have no classes but why the hell am I at school?...oops!...but that's ok at least I'm doing something enjoyable-I'm wasting my time...luckily Elaine and Mico made me think that I need to do "it"...and you know,after I did "it" I felt really happy...So I really have to thank them...especially Elaine, she really helped me today...after teaching me god damned business math she still found time to help me do "it"...she is really good at "it" I tell you...as if she knows almost everything about "it"...I am really grateful to her,she really is a good friend,also mico he accompanied me through this mindless wasting of time...I really thank the two of you...I'm much indebted to the two of you...Elaine got even lynched by her auntie,im really sorry my friend...one of these days I'm going to make it up to you promise!...by the way I apologize for the crudity of my blog, I'm going to improve this shit...

all this monkeying around made me think why does this world need education?...ancestor's did survive without education...it actually made life a lot more complicated and even allowed inequality to flourish...is it really worth it to pay thousands of bucks just to have a piece of paper?...let's be realistic, not even a fourth of students at universities give a damn about learning...why is this wasteful complication still being continued in this society?why do we waste time wasting time?

A paper reaction against the Felicitas-Constatino Orthodoxy On the Nationalism of Jose Rizal

2004-10-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

Dissecting the Doctor’s Nationalism

By: Boy Tuklaw

Our Primary National Hero, Doctor Jose P. Rizal, is a very controversial personality in the history of our people. This is because of the different interpretations of scholars about his nationalism. The debate still goes on if the doctor is a separatist or reformist. The debate is very important because if he is a reformist then I think his stature of being the “one” should be reconsidered. Much more important to be settled is the question of the doctor’s stand on the 1896 revolution. This is of primary importance as explained by Renato Constantino in his lecture “Veneration Without Understanding” (1970), “In the histories of many nations, the national revolution represents a peak of achievement to which the minds of men return time and again in reverence and for a renewal of faith in freedom. For the national revolution is invariably the one period in a nation’s history when the people were most united, most involved, and most decisively active in the fight for freedom. It is not to be wondered at, therefore, that almost always the leader of that revolution becomes the principal hero of his people.” Thus if the doctor didn’t support the 1896 revolution, which was the first national revolution, it is treasonable that he is the Primary National Hero of the country. For me, there is no doubt that he is a separatist and that he supported the 1896 revolution. I defend it on three grounds, (1) Jose Rizal, through his 2 major works gives and explains his theory of revolution and his inclination to it thus showing his separatism, (2) his correspondence and other writings show his belief in revolution and his support for the 1896 revolution (2) he developed a theory of revolution thus he believes that it would work, which necessitates that he is a separatist(this would be discussed under no.1 and no.2), and (3) he showed particular interest in the 1896 revolution by advising and letting himself be identified to it.

But before I go to my defense of Jose Rizal’s separatism and his support of the 1896 revolution, I will first talk about the meaning of the word revolution. In its simplest sense, the word means a sudden change or the move of the citizens of a government to replace the existing one. But in the purpose of this paper, we define the word revolution as the move or action of the people of a certain existing system of governance to replace it with their own system which agrees with their beliefs and ideology of which in turn would effect into an entirely different way of life. In short, the primary goal of the people in a revolution is change. To shape in their own ideas and beliefs the way they live their life. What counts the most in when pertaining to change is the kind of change the revolution calls for. A revolution does not necessarily involve an armed policy of the people who engage in the revolution in order to achieve change. The revolutionary action may just be a peaceful non-cooperation with the existing system, like what Mahatma Gandhi did and the EDSA Revolution here in our country or a violent uprising wherein military actions are used in order to produce change, like what Mao Zedong did in China and the October Revolution of the communists under Vladimir Lenin in Russia. The difference in the various revolutions that have happened is the kind of change in their way of life they wanted. In the 1896 revolution of the Philippines, the central change the revolutionaries want to happen is the removal of the Spanish colonials and the establishment of a new Philippines ruled by Filipinos. Thus in the context of the 1896 revolution of the Philippines, whoever during that time that wanted the removal of the Spanish colonials and made a move or showed support to realize the cause of the revolution is undoubtedly a part of it. As we will see Dr. Rizal didn’t only support the 1896 revolution, he even became (Rizal didn’t even expected it) the leader of that revolution.

Dr. Jose Rizal’s two major works, the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo undoubtedly express his separatism. But we need to understand that these two novels are needed to be understood as one. The Noli Me Tangere cannot stand alone; it is needed to be supplemented by integrating the ideas of the El Filibusterismo also. The author meant to create two novels thus we would see the author’s idea in its entirety by understanding the two of them as if they were a single novel. When you read the Noli Me Tangere only, you would surely conclude that Rizal espouses no revolution but if you include the ideas found in the El Filibusterismo you would see how he entertained and seriously took the idea of a national revolution. By reading the two novels as if they were one would also help us with the confusion that comes out by understanding the novels as if they were not connected. One confusion that arises by dichotomizing the two novels is of who is the real hero of the first part of the novel. We wouldn’t understand immediately that Elias is the real hero of the Noli Me Tangere until you would realize that in the El Filibusterismo, Crisostomo Ibarra would pattern his ideas with Elias which means that the real hero is Elias, as Simoun would concur. So taking the novels as one is important.

In the Noli Me Tangere, Rizal seems to be unripe to the idea that a revolution is needed for the country, but this does not mean that he feels that revolution is not needed or that he is a separatist. It is safe to say that he is a separatist but wasn’t sure that he wants a revolution until the “Calamba Hacienda Case” which would be discussed until the latter part of this paper. By the time that El Filibusterismo has come out of the press, it is very certain that Rizal was going for revolution for the novel talked about its inevitability, importance, and even the right way it should be done. The failure of Crisostomo Ibarra a.k.a. Simoun in the revolution that he planned doesn’t mean that Jose Rizal didn’t approve of it but because the factors that are needed for revolution and the one who lead it was the right kind of leader. Rizal just wanted to show the implications of such a crudely planned revolution. He was explaining and proving his theory of revolution. If we look at the ideas between reformism and separatism in the Noli Me Tangere as just a way of showing the readers the paths that they could go, the reformism judgment could be discarded. The author didn’t really specify in the novel which is a greater path so it is wrong to conclude immediately that we was suggesting a reformist stance. In fact, Rizal even regretted killing Elias; this would be seen in the testimony of General Alejandrino in Teodoro Agoncillo’s paper “Rizal and the Philippine Revolution” (1961) in which Alejandrino says that he recounted Rizal as saying, “…I regret having killed Elias instead of Crisostomo Ibarra; but when I wrote the Noli Me Tangere, my health was badly broken and I never thought I would be able to write its sequel and speak of revolution. Otherwise, I would have preserved the life of Elias, who was noble a noble character, patriotic, self-denying and disinterested-necessary qualities in a man who leads a revolution-whereas Crisostomo Ibarra was an egoist who only decided to provoke the rebellion when he was hurt in his interests, his person, his loves and all the other things he held sacred. With men like him, success cannot be expected in their undertakings.” This testimony further proves that Rizal is a separatist and that he has an idea on what kind of leader should lead a revolution. Thus he has a theory of revolution which follows that he wants a revolution. The testimony also shows that the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo do contain his sympathies and theory of revolution. Thus if the doctor believed in the character of Elias, has a theory of revolution, and believed that revolution is needed for the situation in the country to change, he therefore is a separatist and because of his works which helped the revolution, he is part of that revolution.

If we use the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo as the source for which we could determine Rizal’s theory of revolution, we would see that he requires 3 requisites for success: (1) common interest of the greater part of the people for revolution, (2) a good leader, and (3) sufficient military capability. All requisites for success were achieved except for one, the last. Simoun was able to create much pain and suffering in the people that many have joined his cause. He intentionally made the life of his countrymen much worse in order for them to be ticked off so that they would bind together against the ones who they thought were bringing the pain and suffering to them- the Spaniards. Simoun was able to organize bandits and guardia civils to his plans either through opening their wounds or by deception. He was also able to acquire the necessary arms and manpower that was needed to fight the enemy respectfully. He has the arms hidden in Quiroga’s warehouses and the men to use the arms waiting for his signal to attack the city. Simoun’s qualities as a leader were not lacking also. He is intelligent, wise, and charismatic, but he lacked the right reasons for initiating and leading the revolution. Simoun’s had personal reasons for iniating the revolt, this is better explained by Renato Constantino in his lecture “Rizal and the Philippine Revolution” (1961), “…but he rejected the purposes and impulses that drove Simoun to initiate an armed uprising- an uprising that was not intended to free the people from the yoke of tyranny, but one which was designed to avenge the wrongs done to him personally. Simoun’s revolution was not a disinterested one, it was the fruit of selfish cogitations of his penchant for revenge. There was therefore, nothing noble in his desire in his desire to lead an uprising…he thought nothing of the welfare of his countryf his personal welfare.” For Rizal the disinterestedness of a leader is very essential for a revolution to succeed. The pristine desire to help, defend, to shed blood for one’s country were recognized by Rizal as important because he knows that a cause based on selfish motives would never succeed for a cause with no heart is a lost cause.

Rizal’s early reformism is to be seen in the Noli Me Tangere’s character Juan Crisostomo Ibarra. In a line in the Noli Me Tangere we see how Crisostomo Ibarra intends to help, “…I desire the country’s welfare therefore I would build a school house. I’ll seek it by means of institutions, by progressive advancement, without light there is no road.” He just came from Europe filled with zest to help his country not through but through education. It is an example of how a true blue reformist would react to the problems of nineteenth-century Philippines. Maybe this is also how Jose Rizal thought about how to react to the problems of the Philippines earlier in his life. Crisostomo Ibarra even defended the Church, “Have the Filipinos forgotten what they owe to these religious orders? Have they forgotten how much they are beholden to those who had shielded them against the tyrannies of civil power? This is the evil result of not teaching the history of our country.” Thus if we look at it, these would suggest that Rizal is not only a reformist but a pro-clerical. Being a reformist and a pro-clerical at Rizal’s time is irreconcilable and given the fact that during that time Rizal was associated with the reformists in Europe which were anti-clericals. To think of this is absurd for before he wrote the Noli Me Tangere he is already an anti-clerical, thus assuming that Crisostomo Ibarra’s view is the same as Rizal’s is incorrect or that assuming it is not preferable. Crisostomo Ibarra having survived the Noli Me Tangere, we see him again in El Filibusterismo as Simoun. In the second novel we will see how in Simoun, Rizal gave emphasis for a revolution and that he also used Simoun in order to give the people his idea of how a revolution must be carried out in order for it to succeed. So it can be deduced that Simoun’s view is Rizal’s also so it is more preferable than assuming that the view of Crisostomo Ibarra is also Rizal’s. Also given by General Alejandrino’s testimony, he didn’t approve of Ibarra. Simoun’s view of how a revolution would succeed is also like his. Even more facilitating the fact that Rizal is a separatist and developed a theory of revolution.

Dr. Rizal’s correspondence and writings also gives proof of his separatism and his support of the 1896 revolution. I agree with Floro Quibuyen (1999) that Jose Rizal became a separatist when the Calamba Incident happened. In Quibuyen’s 1999 article he presented two correspondences of Rizal to Blumentritt dated January 31, 1892 and April 30, 1892 which shows how much Rizal resented the murder of justice regarding the Calamba Incident. This hastened the end of his relation with Marcelo del Pilar and the La Solidaridad, which meant that Rizal has ended his reformist-assimilationist stance. This meant that he is now a separatist. Quoting a copy of a letter of Rizal to del Pilar dated October 7,1891 found in Quibuyen’s article “Towards a Radical Rizal” (1999) which says, “…not ideas but whole articles have been printed in the Soli which are against my opinions and convictions…I have made up my mind how I should act, and that is to leave the Filipinos in Madrid to direct policy, they know and understand it so well.” It is clear in this letter that Rizal has broke away with del Pilar’s group because of the difference in their opinions. If the del Pilar group believe in reform and assimilation, and Rizal says that these beliefs are against his, then Rizal is clearly a separatist. Also, the doctor’s plan to have a Filipino colony in Malaysia, the North Borneo Project, means that he at least wanted to be without Spanish influence and that he wants independence. Also his work on annotating the Sucesos of de Morga, in which he created a Filipino past in order for them to have a future and unity means that having a culture of their own was needed by the Filipinos was needed in order to succeed in the revolution, for he knew that the love of culture and having something to believe as a people are very important in a revolution.

Rizal’s December 15, 1896 manifesto, which blatantly says that the revolutionaries were criminals, has been taken the wrong way. Its purpose was most probably to inflame the rage of the Filipinos more. Just imagine if you were the one to read that manifesto at that time, you would probably take that manifesto as a challenge by your leader. This letter would have also galvanized the unity of the revolutionaries, for they would have something to fight for. That is why the Spanish didn’t print that manifesto. They knew how the manifesto would work that is why they feared it and forbade its publishing. The earlier statements of Pio Valenzuela about Rizal’s abhorrence of the revolution were retracted by himself, stating that he only said that in order to preserve the life of those involved with it. The misinterpretation of these documents as the lack of support or abhorrence by Rizal of the 1896 revolution is therefore a fallacy.

The fact that Rizal had something to advise to the revolutionaries meant that he has a theory of revolution. His advices to Pio Valenzuela that they need the support or at least the neutrality of the Filipino elites, sufficient military forces, and his advice for a good general meant he was interested in the revolution because he took time to think about it and even defend these advices to Pio Valenzuela. The fact also that the revolutionaries followed his advices meant that Rizal has participated in the revolution because he advised on it. If Rizal didn’t agree to the revolution he should have kept quiet as anybody disinterested with the subject would do. The revolutionaries’ willingness to seek and follow the advice of Jose Rizal meant that they acknowledge him as their leader. The Katipunan even used his name as a password for the higher members, his name is also shouted as a battle creed, and even a portrait of the doctor hung in the places where meetings were being held, there no evidence more than that to prove that the Katipunan do acknowledge Rizal as their leader. Fulfilling the requirement that leader of the revolution becomes the prime national hero of a country. Thus it is justified that Rizal is the primary hero of our country.

As I have discussed, Rizal is a separatist and a supporter of the revolution. Also in the discussion above it is clear that he responded satisfactorily to the problems of his time. He single handedly developed the idea of being a Filipino which was very important for those times because the lack of identity caused the people to fragment. We know of this by Rizal completing his work of annotating de Morga’s “Sucesos de las Islas Filipinas”. Rizal’s being a separatist also meant that he did realize what was needed in his country in his time. He knew of the clamor of the people for independence and freedom and he reacted well to it by producing the requisites that were needed for this clamor for independence and freedom to flourish. The doctor has indeed proven to be a worthy hero, he supported a revolution, he is the leader of the national revolution, and most importantly unlike other men during those times he had a clear idea of his country, what it needed, and he came in the face of death to give it what it needed- a national revolution.